You've seen it, you can't un-see it.

On Saturday I had the horrible misfortune to witness the naked bike ride. I’m all for protesting and trying to reduce smog, but sweet-baby-jeezus, you’d think people who did that much biking wouldn’t be so disgustingly fat!

This post is so late because I have to keep running to the bathroom to either vomit or dry-heave each time I try to type more about witnessing this event and the spectral memories of those naked sweaty fat cracks and folds come back to haunt me.

I’m sorry, it was simply foul. I like the human body, just not the ones on display anytime someone organizes a naked public event. Give me internet porn any day, at least they spend their entire existence trying to look good naked.

I have to stop now because I’m too weak to continue and my efforts to remove the tarnish my eyes witnessed with copious amounts of booze are about to recommence once my work-day finishes. The worst part is that nobody, the bikers included, know what the fuck the whole thing was about anyway.

So to sum up – naturalists are gross, but sweaty and riding a bike they are a taint upon humanity.

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