Once Again With the Crazy

I really wish I lived in whichever reality Mayor Larry O'Brien has chosen to create for himself. After convincing himself and council that having a lawyer telling them "For the love of god and all that is holy shut the fuck up about this or you could get sued!" is a open consultation with Council and the public, he's somehow interpreted that as a resounding endorsement to continue unimpeded. He's also claiming to have resounding support from the public, you know, except for anyone interviewed for any media or asked about it in general.

And your bus fees will be going up to $5.25. Merry Christmas and happy zero percent.*

This is a tough situation, yes, it's unprecedented but do the right thing for once and step aside until it's cleared up. The citizens that elected you want you to step aside, try doing right by them for once. And Councillors need to be shaken awake on this as well and not defer responsibility to representing the citizens that elected them back to the citizenry itself. There is a massive void of people I have any respect for in local politics at the moment, I'm basically disgusted by the lot of them and will now use them as examples to any children I know of what they don't want to turn into when they become adults. Self-importance, Self-delusions an plain old selfishness are not qualities we require in elected officials.

The only thing I feel bad about for the Mayor is that this Kilray guy is a special brand of nutjob all his own. Then again, the OPP wouldn't lay charges if there wasn't any questions of innocence. Me, I'm totally innocent of bribery charges and I know this because I've never ever had to go to court to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that I never tried to bribe anyone. It's a simple system really. So, yeah, he deserves the benefit of the doubt, especially when looking at the accusor, but c'mon, there was enough evidence present to cast that innocence into doubt in the first place.

*Offer not valid in Ottawa city limits.

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I'm not going to write much on this, but...

Here's hoping that the charges against Larry O'Brien stick. And that Ottawa gets a mayor that, you know, doesn't "break" the "law" (allegedly - innocent until proven guilty) to get into City Hall.

This member of the public says STEP DOWN! Well, I'd say that regardless of the charges, but this should be a last straw for Mayor O'Brien's reign of beigery.

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He's not Conservative Blue, just plain old Yellow

After the reams of concerned questions posted to their website the CBC Radio show Search Engine was informed that Industry Minister Jim Prentice would not be appearing on their show in order to publicly defend Canada's New Government's™ draconian copyright proposal.

Funny, how these gents are hell bent on proposing business friendly legislation as all costs, especially to Canadian consumers. But this legislation is also a wolf in sheep's clothing for any businesses concerned. When similar legislation went through in the States many companies either went bankrupt or are now on the verge of bankruptcy because of the exorbitant amount of lawsuits they’ve enacted on tens of thousands of their own customers, all while forgoing such rights as fair use and please don’t ask any musicians or artists whose works they pretend this protects if they’ve received any extra funds from this activity.*

This is weak posturing that ensures Canada's New Government is selling your rights and your culture to American Companies.**

* They haven't.

** Although, if they remove our rights to satirise anything this may be the long overdue death of The Royal Canadian Air Farce, which I will heartily embrace. Same with the post-Mercer/Walsh This Hour Has 22 Minutes. The only thing they contribute to Canadian culture is our ridiculous insistence to air comedy that isn't actually funny in the least.

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Le Sigh

I came across this gem of an article today after my wife pointed out what happened yesterday, I believe. Only in Quebec will one of the greatest hockey players and genuinely respected athletes be criticised for not knowing French. Saku Koivu already speaks Finnish, Swedish and English, which is more than pretty much every Canadian (and Quebecer) who stuggles with two languages, if not one.

This is the guy who the Montreal Canadiens franchise is built upon, is the Captain of the team, who beat non-Hodgkins lymphoma, and has been selected by the Olympic Athletes to represent them on the Athlete's Commission of the IOC. Maybe the Parti Quebecois needs to jump on that religious schools bandwagon or just build a large Berlinesque wall around the province to really get in touch with voters.

Saku, you'd be welcome in Ottawa. In fact, I'll trade Redden for you.

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St. Guano-Loco is from Ontario and the patron saint of misogyny

Today will see a plethora of jackassery. And not simply because September 19th is "Talk like a pirate" day.

Nope it just all seems to happen at once. I just read about how the Halton Catholic School Board is considering to not allow public health nurses to administer the HPV vaccine to grade eight girls. Because, they say, HPV is sexually transmitted and sex is only permissible in marriage. Well, Satan get behind me because I’m thinking this is further proof that absolutely no public funds should be given to faith based schools. They do not want to inoculate your daughters against cervical cancer.

This is batshit insane.

Whether they have sex in marriage or out of it, women can still get HPV which leads to cervical cancer and die if they do not receive the vaccine at this young age. It's not about admitting your daughters are tramps, it's about preventing cervical cancer at a later age. Cervical cancer does not really care when you have sex. It kills you regardless. This isn't about belief or faith, it's about preventing 80% of cervical cancer in women (including 80% in married women you jackasses).

I should just forget about it and buy stuff for an exceptional discount on Amazon when the dollar reaches parity (even with shipping). That will help me forget about a religious group getting public funds then refusing to protect young women.

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Peter and Paul

Today I heard about the government's plan to rob Peter in order to pay Paul. Peter is the money going to conservation and helping out migratory birds in Canada. Paul is climate change.

I wonder if Harper knows that Paul has been convicted of embezzlement numerous times and is know to drink and lie a lot about where the money is. Why doesn't he just take the money across the river and put it all on black? It would make more sense than pretending he's actually going to maybe eventually do something about climate change, if it even exists.

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Tory vs. Fossil

I think someone should throw a fossil at John Tory. It would probably fly just over his head. Or he'd ignore it.

Asked if he would allow creationism to be taught, John Tory practically got on his knees and rang out merciful and humble thanks to his Lord for His magnificent intervention (and to have a bit more fuel for the fire - it gets cold when the media doesn't pay attention during a campaign). So yeah, he's thinking we should give money to enforce ignorance. You can't teach creationism, it's like teaching someone to be an idiot. You just are.

I mean how to you teach faith based math? The easy joke is to look at the Conservative campaign budget. But seriously, you don't understand square roots, just denounce your instructor as an agent of Satan. You don't like history, no worries, God created everything that was and is as it always was and will be. Don't worry about specific dates, that's just fickle knowledge and recorded truth. Knowledge and truth are human conceits and have no place in the faithful learning environment.

You can teach evolution and you can teach science but faith simply can't be instructed. No matter how much money you give. You simply have it. You learn devotions but not actual faith - try looking it up sometime. Then again if you're a believer you don't need to because you'll already know everything you need to know through god.

You see, I don't have faith because I've got too many actual thoughts getting in the way. Because I learned things. I didn't take things on faith.

If anything, John Tory is the perfect advocate as to why adding more representation to the provincial legislature is a bad idea. We can get more like him. You know, people who think The Flintstones was a documentary and will get paid to not teach your kids.

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Kind of Faulty Logic There Guys

So Emperor Harper and a bunch of representatives from the most environmentally unfriendly nations, most of whom did not sign Kyoto, will be meeting to discuss solutions to global warming. It's sort of like Satan and a bunch of imps and demons getting together to discuss which religion they'll choose.

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Bang bang (the drum)

Seems the Ottawa Congress Centre can't seem to get its story straight over whether they have a policy banning rap and hip-hop, artists that promote gun violence or just a blanket ban on concerts altogether. To be honest it sounded like they're just as unorganized and indifferent about their work as pretty much any other place that has a spirit crushing environment. Also, university aged males tend to want confrontation and to be right all the time so I'm sure neither side is totally coming out aces in this one.

Still, I find it quite disgusting that a vice president will just outright lie because he doesn't understand rap and hip hop. The second veep did a wonderful back pedal claiming he was only expressing a personal opinion and not official policy about artists and gun violence. I wonder if there are any free ridings for the Tories in the October election? I smell candidate, here!

But this morning on CBC the president was on, and granted I only heard the beginning and the end because I had to take a shower, where he explained that he decided that the Congress Centre just shouldn't hold any more concerts because it's not the right venue, it doesn't make good business sense, the staff isn't properly trained for that type of event and more along those lines. They all make perfectly good sense to me. It just looks really bad when you need 24 hours to prepare and answer that makes sense. May as well get a black t-shirt with white block letters that spell GUILTY across the chest much like a sixties batman thug had THUG spelled across his. Also, good policies are only good policies if you, and here's the important part, actually tell other people about them.

As for Mr. Gun Violence, I'm wondering if he has any Johnny Cash at home because that song Cash sings about tying up his wife and shooting her really has nothing to do about gun violence. Or that song about Folsom Prison, or A Boy Named Sue and many others. Same goes for the 1812 Overture, and pretty much any opera is about killing and raping. But they don't glorify it do they? Not with all the opulent productions, not at all.

And finally, don't try to screw with someone who is working on improving voter turn out. You're just asking for trouble then because not only are they an activist, they're probably actualy good at getting things done. Like embarassing you.

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Congratulations Ottawa

You've managed to prove me right.

I keep mouthing off about how by being incredibly selfish you've managed to vote in an incredibly selfish mayor who would pretty much make this city a beige wasteland. It has come to pass. Remember his very clear promise that "zero means zero"? Apparently he's using base 12 math or something else I don't understand. Perhaps he forgot to carry a five or something because now "zero means five."

That's right, it looks like there will be a minimum 5% tax increase. Yes, he said he supports a 2% tax increase for something that doesn't involve "council vanity projects," council already voted to increase at the rate of inflation 1.4% and the police service will be giving a minimum 1.6% increase to the budget. That add ups to 5% if you follow me. Then again I don't understand how 5 and 0 are the same number. I'm a bit dubious of my 95% in advanced math in high school now.

On a side note I'm wondering what the heck a council vanity project is? Are we funding their self-published novels or something? Are there full length mirrors in the council chamber or a bunch of marble statues in their homes that I don't know about?

On top of this there will be between 500 and 1000 jobs cut. This to me is the most disgusting aspect of our new mayors reign. Those are the types of job cuts that decimate towns where the mill closes. We just sort of roll our eyes and think "oh yeah, I've had nothing but positive experiences when dealing with the city because there were just too many people there to help me out. It was like a harrem of city employees there to take care of all my parking ticket needs."

Way to ensure people like me are looking for the next job out of town.

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Good job meatheads

It seems the Anglican Bishops have shown once again that hatred, exclusion and bigotry are more fundamental to an organized religion than love and acceptance. I am glad it was a narrow vote over blessing same sex unions, at least there is progress and hope.

I'm just wondering if Jesus maybe had a twin I was previously unaware of who has a gospel slightly different than the one I'm familiar with?

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Still no Jumbo-tron

This Thursday, May 26 from 11:30 a.m to 2:00 p.m. there will be a party for the Ottawa Senators at city hall. At first I thought, what the fucking fuck? You're hosting a rally nobody can attend, then I remembered the amount of non-private sector people working in the downtown core and figured less damage happens when they're not at their desks. Also, it's during lunch hours, so no biggie for the rest of us.

So while this still isn't a Jumbo-tron to watch the final series on Parliament Hill, it is something.

I'm posting this because at it's core this event feels very un-Ottawa-like, but they've managed to still make it somehow less celebratory. I mean Thursday? C'mon. Put it on Friday and people just won't go back to work. THAT would be a party. Although less likely that any players would show up.

And I can't let anything go without somehow criticizing it, so read the announcement on the City Hall website. It says the crowd can be the 'sixth man' or as I like to call the sixth man, "the goalie." I know the person writing the release wanted to use that old band cliche where they say the fifth member of the band is the audience but watch a game sometime.

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Also, I heard a student from Ottawa U taking credit for my Jumbo-tron idea. I don't care because he actually contacted the NCC and other outlets - go Jumbo-tron Sens!

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Monday Meme - Random Act of Hopscotch

Okay, not really a meme or online but I have to say I love this story about people using graffiti in beautiful ways. I'm a fan of graffiti in general - hence the links to Bansky and Invader - but this story just pleases me on many levels. Art, especially children's games that are biodegradable, is not a crime.

I've personally come across a few of the chalked sidewalks that were labelled "Random Act of Hopscotch" and figured the Glebe was full of pretentious, yet brilliant, children. I guess they are much more brilliant and organized than first thought. This is one of the few times I wish I carried around my camera in case I found an example to post here.

Seriously though, one of the best things about Ottawa is the extremely clever graffiti found around from the sticker-art to the pink ghosts to those paint spraying guys peaking around buildings. That being said I can't abide tagging - seriously it's as lame as the jackass that called the city to clean a game of hopscotch off the streets.

And whoever called the cops about what could have been a world record hopscotch course, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are a meanie-bo-feanie and embody the reason people think Ottawa is dull and beige.

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This is the last post on it, I promise

Because I can’t leave anything remotely serious for very long I’ve decided to start a little contest here for all four or five of our readers. Let’s start a communal list of things we don't like but are not actually worse than Chamberlain's appeasement policy.

I’ll start:

• Those raccoons that tipped over the garbage cans last night.
• Whoever made the decision to put the Sensplex way out there.
• Anyone handing out fliers on the sidewalk.
• Whoever keeps setting off the fire alarm in apartment 110.
• Pandas.
• Joel Shumacher movies.

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Warning: Advertising can be “Suggestive”

And by suggestive, I’m of course talking about teh sex. But not any old sex, that's fine, but sex between men seems to be appearing in newspapers aimed at a gay audience. So, consider yourself warned.

I woke up this morning to hear CBC Radio talking to someone from Capital Xtra about some recent goings on at city hall. Apparently a parent at a community centre decided to read Capital Xtra and complained about the suggestive advertising to a councilor whose name I forget. What followed was the councilor passing the matter off to city staff and said staff then conducting seven days worth of research to find out whether or not a free gay culture newspaper should have the right to be distributed in city run community centres.

This entire situation just reeks of the type of activity that utterly disgusts me about this city. This matter could have been dealt with in a matter of minutes with a PFO (please fuck off) response from the councilor. It’s not about whether or not you are willing to listen to your constituents, or whether or not you agree with them, it’s a matter of being the type of leader that defends all the people you represent. Trust me, you can be polite to people who are trying to bring up non-issues with you, I used to do it all the time with the Green Party. I could have saved you seven days. Seriously. Here’s a response off the top of my head “Thank you for voicing your concerns I am always open to listening to my constituents, however the city, and myself allow all our citizens the right to free expression and we embrace all communities who live in Ottawa.” Can I get some consultant fees for that? It took me under a minute, you can buy me a large double-double and if I win a free cookie, I’ll even give it to you.

But what I think we’re all missing here is the real story of how Capital Xtra has miraculous powers. Think about it for a second. The parent who made the complaint must have been totally blind and deaf until he picked up a copy of Capital Xtra only to be exposed to advertising for the first time. I can imagine the experience of suddenly having sight only to see an advert in a gay newspaper would be a bit disconcerting. I’m thinking we should start rubbing Capital Xtra on lepers and see what happens – could reduce wait times.

I’m seriously shocked over someone concerned over suggestive advertising. Where have you been for your entire life. Heck, when Henry Ford rolled the first Model-T off the assembly line he drove down town with it and put up a poster that said “If this Model-T’s a rockin’, it’s because we’re doing God’s work.” Or Flittermaster and Sons Corsets – “These corsets will make him lose his breath too." I think Shakespeare advertised Titus Andronicus with “Avail thyself to the wanton ways of yester-year. Alas, and alack with public approval only the finest beef liver is used for the utmost clarity in life mimicking personal tongue removals.”

There’s a similar faux moralism being brewed up in the comic book geekery over an upcoming cover that has a well endowed man. It’s covered much better by Chris and Dorian - warning, if you click those links, you’ll see penises in underpants. The deal in the comics isn’t about whether or not the artist is talented or can actually draw anatomy, it’s that suddenly there are male bits rather than over sexualized women being presented. What is telling isn’t that there’s anatomy but the reaction to it which I find fascinating.

This unnecessary local scandal isn’t about advertising, it’s about homophobic behaviour being given credence by city hall. Did we really need to consult with other municipalities to find out that everyone in this city has the same rights?

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