Spider-menace Now in Brazil

by J. Jonah Jameson

Not satisfied with being a menace to the citizens of New York, Spider-man has decided to disguise himself as a five-year-old Brazilian boy. That's right, a child in a Spider-man costume endangered his own life to run into a burning building to save a one-year-old child.

---

The Horror Week: Day 2 – That’s not a moon, it’s a pumpkin!

Here is the only pumpkin you need ever carve for Halloween.

Provided from Wired’s Geek-o-Lantern image gallery.

Yep, got the pumpkin carved last night and it survived its first night on the porch. We decided to go with your traditional Jack-o-Lantern rather than the Death Star. I was all gung-ho for carving myself up a Death Star but then I realized I didn’t really want to spend that much time carving this year, not to mention I didn’t want to buy carving tools. Also, waiting until this point in October means you’ll only get the half-rotted, side-show freak pumpkins and not the perfectly round Aryan pumpkins that are displayed when the pumpkins first come out.

If were up to me though, we’d use carved pumpkins as our only source of porch lighting year round. It’s partially that I get to pretend I’m a mad doctor performing lobotomies. If you need help carving pumpkins just go here or here for some instructions. You can get some pretty cool stencil designs at the Homestar Runner website (I’m kind of partial to the Bear holding a Shark pumpkin stencil – seen here carved by Chris Sims), but honestly, just download any picture you like, greyscale it in photoshop then adjust the levels to only get black and white. Et voila, you have a stencil you can attach to your pumpkin. Use a pointy piece of plastic to poke an outline around the areas you want to cut, grab a flexible knife and cut to connect the dots and you have total pumpkin awesomeness.

So, Dr. Doom-kin as carved by Dave Campbell, what do you think about The Horror Week?

Oh, c’mon, just say it.
Seriously, man, you said you’d be a good sport.

You can destroy us all later. C’mon, I’ll give you some rockets.

Cool. I mean the candy, not actual rockets, by the way.

---

You Can Buy Me This

Seriously, it's my birthday in a couple of weeks. I'd be more than happy to get a Lego building kit that is all these violent and mish-mashed creations like a candy catapault, paper-airplane launcher, lego brick gun and something called a high voltage vehicle.

This is all the stuff your parents got mad at you for making while loving the fact that you were at least being creative. It's all been created by the Lego designers to kill time, much like animators who worked on Teddy Rupkin used to put up drawings of TR in various nasty states.

---

Question: What happens if you're a Nazi and you and your fellow Nazi stumble across Sgt. Rock while on patrol?

Answer: This...

Then he picked up a bazooka and blew up a tank. You are now freaking out. My work here is done.

---

Buddy Guy...can this guy ever wail on that guitar or what? At the age of seventy one (yes, folks, 71!), the blues legend played a showcase set last night, ripping through classic tunes, improvising a bit, cracking the odd joke or two, even a bit of impression of other performers, basically a smokin' hot electric Chicago-style blues. Buddy put on a clinic and demonstrated where other amazing guitarists, from Clapton to Jimmy Page to Johnny Lang, have learned their licks.

You know a show is good when the middle aged lady in front of you who normally would have no signs of rhythm is dancing and bopping along, while your normally reserved and quite buddy is shouting at the top of his lungs. You know you're seeing something special, a legend in the proper sense of the word, when the guy can get away with letting the band do most of the hard work, most of the "filler" and still shows up to deliver the stand-out bars and riffs...to a huge applause, of course. And you know that it's a good show when this old dude in a ridiculous shirt is playing faster and harder blues chords than Led Zep played in their time (but wait, they are younger than Buddy Guy...).

---

Friday hiatus

Okay, I've got nothing to really say about anything today so here's a picture of Batman punching someone really really hard.

That emotion you're feeling right now? It's called "totally freaking awesome."

---