Sniffing your own butt

Okay, ages ago Kelly Nestruck wrote about posting the cat. It’s kind of the internet blogging (as opposed to pen and paper blogging, smartass) version of jumping the shark. While I wholeheartedly endorse the usage of this phrase because it just seems to be so universally applicable to online vanity projects I think the Canadian political establishment has managed to create it’s own colloquialism. Namely, posting the dog.

Okay, maybe it’s just the Conservatives who are actually making some attempt at humor by writing from the point of view of a dog and using a lot of dog imagery, but I think this term applies to most party endorsed blogs – especially if they are linked to via the main party page. These are essentially dog blogs, kind of like if you’re reading a dog of a newspaper article or watching a dog of a movie. So while most of them won’t deeply offend your sense of comedy they are all equally spasm-fit inducing.

As far as the blog written from the point of view of a dog all I can say is that whichever Conservative party member came up with that gem obviously didn’t go to the same elementary school I did. If he had he would have remembered a joke comparing a dog’s ability to lick its own balls to homosexuals. I’ll just leave that dangling out there like a man’s tackle and move along before things get out of hand. You can draw any conclusions you like.

Anyway, in the months long tradition of this blog I’ll try to come up with a few ways to make Kyoto’s blog actually funny.

1. Woof, woof woof, bark. Bark BARK arf AAaaaaarrf. Bow wow!
2. Wait a sec, did I just eat my own shit? I did, didn’t I? Bowser, Scamp, come over hear for a moment. Smell my breath. Is it okay? Does it smell at all, shitty? You know, shitty like the Liberal Party’s new leader.
3. Kjkmfdsxc mn kjknfjkn dsxzkl,m dxckl,ml,m (because a dog doesn’t have fingers dip-shit)
4. I know it’s against the sanctity of marriage to have an inter-species relationship but I would totally hump Peter McKay’s leg.
5. I promise to put chicken flavored kibbles in every dog-bowl.
6. Snausages.
7. Ah, pee een yoor genirral derection. Your muthair was ahhamster and your fathair rrreeked of elderberries.
8. Ahhh, ha ha ha ha, Jack Layton is bald!

I could go on giving you ever less funny examples until I found myself actually writing for Kyoto’s blog. You get the idea though right?

---

On a side note I’m happy to see Rick Mercer is back online although, Rick, you totally missed the last memo. You need to include the little ™ in Canada’s new government™. The online club of making fun of politics will let it slip this time because you’ve been out of the loop, but if it happens again you’ll be getting a stern note followed by some sort of online fine/hazing should that behavior persist.

---