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Every morning I’m laying in bed listening to the CBC trying to wake me up. It’s usually at that time of the day I come up with an idea of what I should write a blog post about. Today was a real doozy. I had a hard time deciding between why certain media and elected officials have a hard-on for Canada to be a victim of terrorism and the people in lawn chairs at Bluesfest.

So I went with why we’re crap at soccer again.

Yes, I watched the game last night. Okay, not all of it because I was reading some Green Lantern comics for my other blog and I knew they’d lose. But I did watch some of the start, and when my wife flicked back to it about five minutes later Canada was already losing, and I watched the last forty minutes. Here’s the thing. For the most part we have a decent team. It’s the strikers that are absolute garbage.

There were all these images of this Lombardo kid upset when, really, he should be upset. If this was Columbia he’d best sleep with one eye open if anyone remembers the 1994 World Cup. It’s like he was on LSD and was hallucinating that the ball was a flaming vampire bat trying to eat him so he’d kick it as far away from his as humanly possible (mostly at a ninety degree angle to the earth). There’s no other way I can explain how horrible that guy was other than he was trying to start the Canadian Space Agency by kicking balls really high in the sky.

There were empty net headers that I could have made. While wearing my glasses. But our strikers managed to put the ball really high up over the net.

While they weren’t putting the ball really high over the net, they were just sort of watching the defenders kick it away when they could have easily run up to it and either taken a shot on goal or at least avoided Congo clearing it yet again. I know they must have been feeling utterly defeated but come the fuck on you bunch of babies. Suck it up.

There was generally solid defending. There was good long ball play and a bevy of crosses to make anyone proud but when you have strikers that are utter crap and have given up – no wonder the only record we set is shameful. First host nation to not score a goal.

Ironically, after the keeper got sent off for what I can only assume was the fact he decided to get drunk while the rest of his team lost which caused him to play the ball well out of his area – there was his Adidas commercial about his dedication to the sport. Unintentional hilarity.

I feel bad for guys like David Edgars who didn’t give up and played solidly. But I’m a biased Newcastle fan. Still, he deserved better than to watch the rest of his team waste the opportunities he gave them

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