Thursday, April 19, 2007

Wyld Stallions

I knew it. Mayor Larry O’Brien actually thinks he’s Yul Brynner. I’m a bit worried with the Ottawa Citizen acting as enabler to this delusion as it could lead to our elected officials having more closed door meetings to decide the fate of the city. I guess we should all just accept the fact that he’s blatantly holding closed door meetings instead of the regular deals struck behind the scene.

I’m particularly fond of this quotation from the Citizen - “"We can and we must conduct ourselves in a more businesslike manner," he said. "At the end of this process, I want you to feel spoiled by the abundance, value and level of service you get for your tax dollar."” By insider trading, giving yourself a raise then raising user fees, or do I just not understand business? I mean Nortel and Corel are both paradigms of Ottawa success stories aren’t they? They what? Ah crap, that doesn’t bode well.

I’ve seen how business is done in this city and I’m not sure we need a Leon’s Furniture Warehouse approach to governing our city. Save now, definitely pay later. If I were a city employee I’d start looting the supply cabinet for compensation right about now – heck, call dibs on the printer because soon that floor you share with all those other employees will become someone’s office. Then in a few years it can be rented out as a call centre.

Wait, there may be hope.

Mr. O'Brien even suggested a line be added to tax bills that would allow
residents to give the city a tip for great service.

This is the greatest idea ever. I have a few suggestions for tips to get you started:

  • The shaved head is the new comb-over, you’re not fooling anyone.

  • Don’t eat yellow snow.

  • Give your by-law enforcers those huge sumo-suits so we can pummel them when they issue tickets without inflicting bodily harm.

  • Get advisors who don’t fake press credentials to be conveniently parked at City Hall.

  • Try to look less like an actual penis, you’re making it too easy.

Yeah, you get the idea.

And I’m sorry, I don’t want someone who thinks he’s a cowboy governing the city like the wild-west. And people, don’t encourage him by using words like “swagger.” Let’s try words that actually apply, like “unaccountable to the electorate.” Ah well, at least it'll make the next few years of kvetching that much more justified.

And someone has to say it - but doesn’t the culture of excellence at city hall make you think of these two?

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