Monday, August 20, 2007

3 Things I take ironic pleasure from and a game

The Liberal Party, especially former Liberal Party members of parliament.
These guys are great. Whenever there is anything in the news involving politics it’s pretty much a guarantee that a former Liberal will show up on tv or the radio and explain that this was a Liberal initiative or how the Liberals started it but did it better.

They generally fail to mention that whatever the news of the day was something they failed to mention when they were actually in power. But man, wave that TV makeup brush in front of a Liberal and you’ll find out who birthed the next savior of mankind if you ask one.

Conservative task-forces.
I love how whenever there is campaigning the Liberals will make a promise about “issue of the day.” The NDP will follow on their heels saying they can do it faster or cheaper or simply give you more money. The Conservatives always have a task force their waiting for, unless it’s an issue they actually care about.

I just don’t imagine they are the kind of task force I’m thinking of with guys in black jumpsuits that hide your body heat, kung-fu training and night vision goggles. I imagine they’re a bunch of guys whose sole feature is their hair turning into a shark fin every time there is a cross-breeze on the street as they wonder why bowties aren’t quirky enough to be hip and, you know, impress the ladies.

Nothing says informed masses like a marching crowd containing enough petuli oil to be an environmental disaster. I noticed a lot of red communist flags in the Sunday march protesting the free-trade agreement and the potential loss of jobs to Canada.

I don’t think the communists like it when you point out that a bigger problem is the amount of jobs being lost to Communist China, which is a workers’ paradise from what I’m told.

Lombardo Liquor Pig drinking game.
Ever since the U21 world cup a few of us have been really disgusted by this Andrea Lombardo guy. He missed goals I could have scored. While wearing my glasses and work clothes. I’m pretty sure his future doesn’t lie in Canadian Soccer but in developing out space program. Every time something came near that guy he launched it straight up and the only conclusion I can come to is he wants to put something in orbit.

So not one to be satisfied with complaining about an athletes performance amongst friends, I decided when the Toronto FC play we need to take a drink every time he screws up. But to be fair, if he actually does something good, or get close to scoring, the first person to say “Good job Lombardo” (or some agreed upon compliment) unironically is safe, and everyone else needs to drink. If he scores, you all drink in celebration. Don’t worry about that last one unless you count scoring as putting the ball high over the net. A lot.

Make sure you have a lot to drink.


Jan Triska said...

I was just saying, on Macgillivray's website, that the SPP protesters were mostly protesting things that were not even included in the SPP talks. Lifestyle protesters who show up every time Bush goes somewhere in Canada - and they always protest the Iraq war, the alleged water exports, the supposed complicity of anyone manufacturing anything in the global climate change...and, the fact that we are not Communist.

I am skeptical about this SPP business myself, even a bit suspicious, but it's really funny to see the anarcho-socialists being bussed in from Montreal and other places, only to go back to their "lifestyles" which involve lots of knitting and living on organic free range sheep farms. Not.

joncormier said...

Oh I'm not too keen on the SPP deal either. Then again I just have an inherent mistrust of anything Harper thinks is good.

I also find it exceptionally trying that the back-up keeper for Newcastle United is named Steve Harper.

Umar said...

Doesn't the keeper usually go by Steven?

Your Lombardo game reminds me of another former Newcastle player, Patrick Kluivert. I can imagine if the Lombardo game were played in the 3rd place match back in 1998 with the Netherlands and Croatia, that Heineken would've been sold out throughout the Netherlands.

joncormier said...

The major difference is that Kluivert has actually been caught on tape as scoring goals.

Umar said...

Really? Kluivert wasn't caught doing that very often when he played for your beloved Newcastle...